Okay, we’re standing pretty close to the edge with this one.  Only watch if you are sexually mature and uninhibited otherwise you’ll more than likely be offended and we wouldn’t want that!   Enjoy!

Harness Your Power!

Linda and Bess at Babe In Total Charge of Herself.com got closer to the edge with the following video. At the suggestion of a friend we (Bess, my daughter Joran, her friend Scott the videographer and myself) went into down town Seattle to Babeland and the following is one of several “sex ed” tapes we have from… that experience. CAUTION! if you are at all squeamish or inhibited about sex or sexual adventuring, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT watch this video. However, if you are open minded and brave and want to see a black woman blush, this is for you! Enjoy!

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. 

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there…. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. 
  
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, ‘As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little ’0ral sex’ will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.’ 
  
The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they would close the
curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife’s room. 
 
After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran back into the room. ‘What happened!?’ they cried.

The husband said, ‘I’m not sure; maybe she choked.’ 
  
NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND..

This is from another one of my blogging friends, a male one whom I enjoy reading because he’s straight up and to the point. When it comes to sex there’s much for both men and women to learn about pleasing our partners and since this is a women’s site, I thought this particular post was a very provocative perspective that although it might be considered scandalous, irreverent and a bit too raw for some of you more conservative ladies’ tastes, I think its worth the squinting and puckered lips to get through it. And if indeed you find it to be too raw for you, then pass on it by all means.  But for the more adventurous, I encourage you to take a look and ponder how you might be able to benefit from the reading. So keep an open mind then get your pen and paper out to take some notes….!

Yes we too talk about women n’ sex n’ anything involved therein…How fine their bodies are, how bad they are at giving blowjobs, whether we needed a board tied to our ass ta’ keep from fallin’ in and their lovemaking techniques and or lack of. Sorry ladies, but all of ya’ll ain’t that good in bed and it takes more than just layin’ there with your legs spread with an occasional moan or groan ta’ make for a good roll in the hay.

We men have our likes n’ dislikes n’ we all have different ones as well so I’ll start with the DON’Ts….

Like men, some women have bad hygiene too. Ya’ see, we piss outta our d**ks….ya’ll don’t n’ believe me, unless you use baby wipes or a washcloth n’ soap…ya’ don’t get it all so there is a remaining smell. Being a certified pool tech I learned that there is fecal matter left after anyone, male or female takes a dump no matter how many times you wipe! So please take this into consideration before ya’ grab our heads ta’ cram ‘em down between your legs.

As far as shaving, women are guilty of the same thing! Now I’m not gonna speak for all men on this ’cause there are some men that like hairy women…I am not one of those so don’t forget to shave your armpits as well as your legs. Wrappin’ your porcupine legs around us n’ scratchin’ the hell outta our backs DOES NOT FEEL GOOD!

As far as p***y hair is concerned, once again we all have our preferences. I for one like a woman that has either a landing strip, nicely trimmed or is shaved, which includes around your ass! A hairy ass is not attractive nor a turn on! I’m pretty sure that hearin’ me gaggin’ on a hair in the back of my throat is not a turn on and could actually be a mood breaker! This also goes back to the hygiene subject…alot of hair…alot of smell!

On the subject of talking dirty during sex…one thing…When you feel it necessary ta’ scream “Deeper, deeper”…sorry, but when you’re pounding bone ta’ bone….YA’ CAN’T GO ANY DEEPER!

Now, I learned along time ago ta’ pay attention to your partner ta’ find out what she likes or dislikes during sex. The same thing goes for men! If during sex you dig your nails into his back and you feel him arch and you hear a groan escape his lips…most likely it doesn’t feel good nor does he like it! If while he’s eating you and you grab ahold of his hair ta’ pull him closer against you and you hear him gasping…it’s a sure sign he can’t breath so let’em go before he dies of suffocation, somethin’ I’m pretty sure would be a big mood breaker too! If while giving him a blow job and you feel him jerk upwards, it’s a pretty good sign that your teeth don’t feel good and as much as you ladies might not think…our d**k’s are sensitive too! Last but not least, once again it comes down ta’ preferences…we all don’t like you slidin’ your finger up our ass when giving us a blow job! I for one have a tattoo on my ass that says “EXIT ONLY” so keep you fingers and anything else ya’ might feel free ta’ get close to it…away from it!

I do agree with babygrrllll on the subject of sounds and expressing the pleasures you are having….but…make sure you scream out the right name during this! Men are not the only ones guilty of this and hearing another man’s name called while pumping the hell out’a ya’ll will make my d**k go down faster than the Titanic or Hindenburg!

As far as techniques of different things are concerned here’s a few off the top of my big head…

Kissing….I find kissing extremely exciting but I’m sorry, not all of ya’ll are good kissers! Slobberin’ all over my mouth and wallowerin’ your tongue around inside it does not compete in any form or fashion with passionate ones that includes runnin’ your tongue slowly around my lips, or kissing them lightly. Don’t suck on my tongue like you would my d**k! It hurts! Suck on it like you would your own p***y!

Nipples…once again I can only speak for myself…but mine are sensitive and biting them doesn’t feel good! Kissing them with light nibbles however are a huge turn on so just slow down a lil’ and don’t act like they’re your next meal.

If you’re on top and you’re really gettin’ excited pay attention ta’ how hard you’re poundin’ down onto us! Our d**ks aren’t your toys! They do break! Also, your ass bones don’t feel good pounding against our pelvis bones so take it easy. You might be into it but hearing and feeling a bone snap I would say would be an instant mood breaker!

Massages….not everyone is good at giving them so don’t assume that diggin’ your nails into our shoulders or grindin’ your knuckles into our backs is relaxing. Take your time and do it like you’d want it done to you and feel free ta’ ask if you’re doin’ it right or how we like it done.

Women are just as guilty of men when it comes to egos and feelings so if a man tells you his likes and dislikes before, during, or after sex, don’t take offense and cop an attitude! Instead, pay attention and learn..it’ll make for more pleasurable experiences for both of you in the future and less arguments. Ya’ll say express ourselves….so when we do don’t take it personal! We already know how sensitive ya’ll are towards just about anything but don’t tell us ta’ do something then beat the hell outta us for doing it!

To me, couples that communicate about sex and their likes n’ dislikes have more enjoyable experiences so don’t be afraid ta’ discuss them and be open to suggestions. Now, having just realized that alot of what I just said pertains to couples and not first or second f**ks…alot of it does. Don’t assume anything! As we all know…assuming can make an ass outta you…and me!

PMS, Possible Murder Suspect..that’s me today.

written and submitted by Maxibadone

And I’m not discriminating. Any male will do. Postman, jogger, buddy with the boom box attached to the top of his car blasting it at all hours, the guy at the gas station who can’t crack a smile even if you paid him, the sleezeballs that send me yet another ‘wanna f**’ email, you had better take cover! Mr Max happens to have a little intelligence and ran off to work today hoping that by the time he gets home, the bodies will already be buried and he will be safe because I will have exhausted myself.

BEWARE I say!!!

Yup, we have all thought about it at one time or another during this time of mental chaos.

When our man suddenly becomes stupid, lazy, irritating, and just a general prick for all the wrong reasons.

Our job environment becomes harsh with the jackass that keeps replacing the boss every damn month, who really feels it necessary to annoy the hell out of you giving you shit to do that you really have no interest in doing AND there is no point doing it at all..EVER.

Our spawn become intolerable whiny little pieces of destruction who feel it necessary to pollute the environment with their gusts of noise.

And friends who become related to Hodini when they hear that you are not feeling good and pull a disappearing act or suddenly tell ya that they really gotta go pick the dirt out of the dog’s toenails RIGHT NOW. And I know the f*****s don’t have a dog!

We suddenly have packed on 500 pounds, developed horns and the fingers are spewing venom. What once was a beautiful, sexy woman has now, overnight become such a horrendous beast to behold not even the scariest movie producer can copy! Images of bloodbaths take over and induce almost orgasmic sensations in us as we imagine dismembering the male species in its entirety. If we don’t see enough blood, we burst out in tears of frustration as our lack of mass destruction is disabled.

It’s not just a female thing. Males go through it too.

Men suddenly insist on asking you what is wrong with you and feel to nit pick at you every 10 seconds..where before they were weak and quiet and out of our hair for so long. The fear of getting caught throwing their socks under the bed has suddenly made them become defensive. Knowing you know they spent extra money at the casino, or even being IN the casino with the boys having a good time with them causes them to have bouts of …what can I throw back at her so she doesn’t bring this up and condemn me back into the hell I fought so hard to get out of LAST month? Damn…did she catch me looking at that blonde…and did I have a woodie??

Is it something that he did? Not yet, but if he keeps asking, it CERTAINLY will be all his fault! Cause us women keep lists of things that guys do wrong! AND we will TELL you every one of them if you insist!!!!!

Once the initial yelling and screaming has subsided, or whoever has popped that vein on the side of the head first, then comes the need to touch She Who Should Not be Touched. To pat her on the back and say…”there there dear, I understand what you are going through”.

Damnit man….don’t you think you’d be smart enough to SEE how lovingly I am eyeing the knife set on the counter?? That my eyes are glazing over in the thought of pushing one through your chest and NOT because I need to hear your comforting and understanding words. That you REALLY should make your own supper for the next few days because of the fact that I have access to many chemicals that Will induce an agonizing death??? In fact, making all the meals for the family units would be extra beneficial for a long life. That look in my eyes SHOULD tell you that I would gain so much pleasure watching you writhe on the floor gasping your last breath in total agony and pain so that you actually EXPERIENCE some of what I am going through. THEN you will truly understand how I feel.

Don’t you think that you SHOULD have learned that lesson LAST month around this time, or the month before, or the year before that??

No wonder we can’t stand ya right at this very minute for wanting to put your arms around us. You think we’re stupid enough to believe that you really want to hug us and not choke us to death?? What do you think we are? Stupid?

Stock up on f***ing chocolate and move out for the next two days will ya. And call my boss and tell him I’m taking a mental health seminar for the next two days. Oh, and take the f***ing rug rats with ya so I can walk from the bedroom to the bathtub completely naked to enjoy my tub of chocolate ice cream in silence. The animals too. Remember, I don’t discriminate.

I may let you in after the two days is over.

I’ll just have to think about that one for a bit. But you better have more chocolate or else I have 21 days to plot my revenge!

written and submitted by Maxibadone,  a girlfriend I’ve made while blogging online.  She writes some very entertaining but also insightful blog posts and has kindly agreed to share some of her stuff with us.  But be  forewarned and prepared, she has one of those close to the bone and sometimes outright raw writing styles. I enjoy reading her blog and hope you do as well. Check out her other entry “Vaginas Demonicus” in the “Off the Cuff” section.  Maxi lives in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.

Is there such a thing?  In this day and age?  But I’ve been so faithful to my husband, what ever will I do now?

Are you kidding?

Do it I say!  And do it smartly!  It’s someone new. It’s exciting.  It’s, Oh My God, they actually GROW that big!!!

There is no such thing as not having sex after a divorce.  Of course you can have it.  You did while you were married, did you not?  So what makes it wrong to have it after the ring comes off?  Absolutely nothing stands in your way.  And the good news is, you don’t have to sneak around behind your parents’ back to do it!

Dating has changed since we were teens for sure.  We have technology now to actually make it easier to pick and choose who we want, to join dating sites telling the world what we are looking for in a partner, or date mate.  There’s speed dating, and there’s also the bar scene.  Well, let’s save the bar scene for the younger generation shall we.  So why not use the tools out there to get what we want that much faster.  Or better yet, more of what we want when we’re in a particular mood?

There is nothing wrong with dating several men at a time.  There are no rules of condemnation that say you can’t.  Well, not unless you consider the nosy gossip down the street who’s seen two different guys come up to your place in one week no less!  Skip her…she needs something to do, so give her some ammunition to gossip to the other prudes about.  It might liven her up a bit and I’m sure the ladies on your street will be looking at you with envy the next time a hot stud pulls up to your driveway, thinking the whole time..I wish that was me!

But what does it matter what they think?  They aren’t the ones taking you out to dinner at the new restaurant, buying you flowers, or giving you mind blowing orgasms that you never thought were obtainable in your lifetime, let alone twice in one night.  You are single!  You are allowed to date, and date as much as you want!  There are no rules to the number of men you date either I might add.  I’ve looked, and can’t find them anywhere.

This is your time to come out of your prudish shell and enjoy your singlehood to the fullest, much as you did when you were a teen before you settled down with your soon to be ex.  Besides, you can only bake so much for those endless bake sales before you start tossing the batter all over the room in an endless fit of lonely raging hormonal attacks!  Chocolate does wonders, but doesn’t compare to sex ladies!  I kid you not!

Flower power didn’t die in the 60′s and why did all these woman work so hard for a sexual revolution anyways if you’re just going to sit home with a good book night after night alone?  You certainly disappointed them and yourselves if you think you can’t be sexual after a divorce….AND over 40 dammit!  You still have the parts, so USE them!

Who’s idea was it anyways to say that you HAVE to abstain from having fun?  I’d like to beat them to a pulp!  But not before I make weekly plans with Michael, John and oh, there’s that hottie Carl that I’ve been dying to hook up with and shag for weeks now.  THOSE people WILL have to wait while I go have me some fun!

So come ladies, it’s your time to enjoy your sexuality to it’s fullest!  Do you think your ex isn’t doing the same thing? He may have already been practicing before the divorce, so why not.  We only live once, so get off your butts and call that hottie you’ve been eying at the grocery store.  The worst thing he can say is I’m married.

But always play safe!!  Condoms are a girls best friend in the 21st century, diamonds are a bonus!

Feel free to leave us suggestions as to what you think you’d like to see that would be “Beyond Oprah” but isn’t TOO kinky. LOL!